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And the Saga Continues Some More
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Chapter 3
I bet you are wondering what has happened since I haven't written for a while. It has been a very strange and weird year, this 2002.

I did end up purchasing another van. Well, I had to. It is called El Blanco Grande. It is this enormous Ford Econoline 150. I have found out that you basically have the color choices of white or white. I found it on the internet, by George! It is used, but of course, and can you believe this? The stick on letters (this is a must you know) that were on the side, said, American Fire Protection. It was used for servicing fire extinguishers. And I believe putting out fires in such vehicles as The Van from Hell! So I did basically keep my purchase in the same family line as my old van. You know, flames, and fire!!!.

The only problem with this van is, she looks like all the other vans when I'm in a crowd. Borrrrrrrrring. The first time I took her out, I didn't know what van was mine when I came back to get her. You can't really expect me to have to try all the door locks to all the white vans out there, every time I go to a show, now can you? I could get arrested! The other problem is, her paint job is realllllllllllllllllllllllly nice....................cough cough, I can't paint on her...........sniff sniff. So what to do, what to do.
Ahhhhhhhh, I went to Kragen Auto Parts. Now they have a lot of fun things in that store. They are sort of like a cheap accessories store for your car, only they aren't cheap, not like Rodger's Store anyway. So I found these wonderfullllllllllllllllllll Zebra seat covers. Boy oh boy, did that make the change. She is just so darn pretty now! I was going to put the black and white spotted cow deluxe furry steering wheel cover on her with the genuine elastic stretchable casing back, but thought that that might clash with her seats. So for now, she will just have to do the way she is. We really have not quite bonded the whole way yet anyhow.

I bet you are wondering what happened to The Van from Hell. She is still around. Since I have a fleet of vans now, (2), she is sitting across the street. (See her over there in the left hand picture!) You see I had just paid for her yearly tags and I sure was not going to give her up after that. I mean that was around $34! She has no insurance on her anymore either. And she has spider webs, dirt and all kinds of mountain crap that has blown under and on her. But she loves being a wild free woman of the west with the wind blowing up her tail pipe, the sun coming up every morning and fading her paint a little more, and the hot rodders racing down the street whistling at her beauty as they nearly miss her. Also her restraining order is up in November. She must have a farewell extravaganza party for this event. We have decided to have a huge celebration in her honor. So if you want to attend, come on over. There is room for everyone! We have not decided upon a theme yet, so I will have to let you know. But there has been mention of a gallon of gas and a match.

Don't think that I am ignoring her though. We take her out for a spin once a week to keep her in sort of OK physical condition....that is until her tags and her dreaded smog check are due again. Then I think we are writing Free on her, leaving the doors unlocked, putting the keys in the ignition, signing the pink slip and putting it under the wind shield wippers.............and perhaps someone one will steal her and we won't have to go to the trouble of finding her a rest home. Because of course, in my opinion, no one would be good enough for her anyway, andddddddddddddd not until I get to legally park her in front of my neighbors house, ONE MORE TIME!!!!!

The only problem with this is that we live in the safest city in America and we have tried to get people to steal things before and it is reallllllllllllllly hard!!!! I mean it takes a real effort and I don't know if I am up to that or not. It actually could takes weeks or even months to get this accomplished.

We put a microwave out front once. It got wet .........don't we put it in the shed because it died. Later on when we took it out, and of course had already replaced it, there had been some sort of miraculous healing that had taken place. So we put it out front for any good robber to take. It sat and sat and sat. Finally we actually had to give it away!!!

Say did I mention where we go on our spins? This is just sooooooooooo much fun. Our most favorite thing to do is to drive her into some reallllllllllllllllllly ritzy neighborhood. Now a ritzy neighborhood around here is a 2 million dollar house. The million dollar ones are fixer uppers. So ya gotta go to the biggys. First of all, you should see the gardeners of these people cringe when we come by. Talk about being snubbed! Then we pick out a house that is up for sale. We stop in front of it and start pointing and talking. Meanwhile my baby is showing off her "I can belch louder than you" trick.

As we sit there rumbling loudly, spurting out noises that could go in a horror movie and taking notes, you can hear the phones starting to ring in the neighborhood. Its like everyone is calling these people at the same time. It always happens and I can't figure out why! You also see curtains and blinds being drawn to a close. Then a little kid is pushed out the front door of the house we are sitting in front of. She's about four I'd guess. She bashfully walks out with this huge sign in her hands and goes over and puts it next to the For Sale sign. It is crudely written on a big piece of cardboard, "SOLD". She lays it down and then runs back into the house. Now you ask me, are we insulted or what?

But it is such great fun seeing the terror in their eyes!!

Another thing we like to do is go over to the golf course. Now the DH doesn't comb his hair or beard that morning and I black out a front tooth. Weee are lookin' gooooooooooood. All we have to do is ride around in the parking lot and the owners come out to "see" if we are lost and need directions home. Isn't that nice of them?

God I miss the good ol' days with her, but as all good things must come to an end, there are other good things that can take their place!

As for the new van, El Blanco Grande...............well she is off to a good start. Our first adventure out was when we were on our way to a show and the freeway came to a screeching stop. There were cops and choppers flying overhead everywhere. On the freeway were three bad guys spread eagle face down. They were surrounded by cops with really big guns pointed at them. Just as we approached, our back tire blew out. Not only did it scare the crap out of us, it scared the cops and it scared the bad guys! ahhhhhhhh yes, it hassssssssss begun!!! I think the V from H, gives lessons at night from across the street.

Say did I tell you El Blanco Grande has a radio in it? Now just how cool is that?
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Chapter One
Stuff About Me
Chapter Two Mountain
Men and Llamas
Chapter Three
Introducing El Blanco
Chapter Four
Off To Hollywood
Chapter Five
It's Beginning to Look A lot like Christmas
Chapter Six
The Day Before November 16th
Chapter Seven
My Neighbor
Chapter Eight
More of Him
Chapter Nine
The Grand Finale
Chapter Ten
El Blanco Grande Rules
Fire From Hell
Butt Ugly Houses
Niles Minden
Letters to Niles
Van from Hell Fan Mail
My Portfolio
So Ya Wanna
Do a Craft Show
Making Art
LA Times Story
and Niche Magazine